Un-friggin-believable!

My epiphany came today.. finally..maybe.. from an unlikely source.

The source? My mouth.

Hundreds and hundreds of dollars in doctor's bills. All I needed was a damn trip to the dentist to set me straight?! It's somehow not right!

I'm sorry officer, I didn't see that stopsign ahead..

.. I was too busy looking in my rear-view mirror.

I can't even put into words how tremendously frustrating, disappointing and embarrassing it is to take leaps (not steps, but leaps) backwards. It's compounded only by the fact that I had worked for months to begin moving forward. I suppose that's life and that there are just certain things that are far less easy to overcome than others.

With that, life has been intense recently. Rounds of testing for my license are complete, but the task of Physics and Classroom Assessment still loom ahead.. for at least one more month! I am happy to report that I kicked the crap out of Praxis II. I am still waiting for my VCLA scores, but am hopeful.

Wedding planning continues. We are one signed paper and a deposit away from booking the florist, but the biggest things are done - music, catering, venue, photography. Next on the list is officiant and (with luck) save the dates. Eventually that fabulous photog that I booked with FINISH our damn pictures. You think over a month would be enough time..

In other Heidi-related, though somewhat unimportant, news:
- Brian Nichols was convicted on Friday on all 54 counts for which he was charged, including the murder of our family friend, Dave Wilhelm (a coworker of my mom's). Deliberations over enforcing the death penalty will start Monday. I have my own views of capital punishment and I would say that a world where he is found to be ineligible due to mental illness would be an unjust world. My tax dollars have been keeping him alive and comfortable in prison while Candy and Mars suffer a worse punishment on the outside of those prison walls. Somehow, it just isn't right..

- Dad finally found a doctor that could detect the injury in his rotator cuff. He has surgery scheduled for Tuesday and will require about 6-8 weeks to recover. It's entertaining to watch him "practice" driving and eating with the wrong hand. Oh, my Dad...

- Steve shot a gun for the first time last week with Eddie. He's now wildly excited about purchasing his own, which makes the reality of his being in the law enforcement field all that more real. And scary.

- In other good news, training (which I wouldn't exactly call "training" anymore) is going well. With the recent assistance of a medical professional and the second beginnings of curbing a deadly disorder, I am still losing weight, but can really see more definition now. It's odd, but I have some pride buried inside of the disgrace. I'm down to 135 lbs. Thinking about how I was 160 just over 2 years ago brings a small (very small) smile to my face. Hard work continues..

- Danes came into town this weekend and we were able to catch the So You Think You Can Dance show at ODU. Unbelievable talent exists in the world of dancing and I'm so grateful to be a part of that world. I wouldn't trade being a dancer for anything!

I'm so far behind...

With training, wedding planning, work and all of those other things, it's easy to see why I haven't updated in months.

I think an update, albeit a condensed update, is overdue.

- I've made a bit more progress in my training. I'm down another 7 lbs. with 13 more to go to reach my goal. More pictures to come.. I promise!

- Wedding progress is being made:
*Reception venue booked - Contemporary Art Center of VA at the oceanfront
*Photographer booked - Scott Hayne Photography. He's ridiculously talented!!
*DJ booked - DJ on the Side
Many thanks to Becky & Mike for introducing us to Scott and Ryan with DJ on the Side. Their wedding rocked, so I know ours will too!
*With my type A, OCD personality, I'm obsessed with saving money and having my hands in
just about EVERYTHING. So, I created a boutonierre and designed some monograms for our
invitations and possibly our cocktail napkins. Take a look:

Exciting, right? I'm seriously trying to get a good chunk of things done before classes start in.. oh.. 5 days. Here's to Sugar-Free Red Bull, Starbucks and a good night's sleep!

New Pursuit

For approximately 2 months now, I have been training with the goal of eventually competing in a fitness/figure competition. Granted, it's a long way off, but so far I am impressed with my results. While I couldn't compare myself to those amazingly beautiful women yet, I am pretty confident that I am ready for bikini season - a feeling I have NEVER had! About this time 2 years ago, I was almost 30 lbs. heavier than I am now. The weight loss has been, at times, achieved in an unhealthy way. With the support of my amazing fiance, I am healthier. I have also been blessed to meet an amazing friend - Brandon - who is an amateur body-builder. His guidance in the gym is unbelievable!

For the first time in a very long time, I am happy working out 6-7 days a week! Normally, I am completely humiliated at having anyone other than Steve see me in less than shorts and a tshirt. I still have slight hesitations in having anyone see my progress (in a bikini, no less), but I have been encouraged to take progress pics. So, here they are. At least the love handles have taken a permanent hike! Trust me, you could never be a more harsh critic than I am for myself. Forgive the blurriness .. I suck at using this new camera!
Progress: 2 months

Test anxiety!

It's a terrible thing to be worried about a test that I'm not even taking until this summer or in the fall. I am currently searching for a great test guide for the Biology Praxis II for my license and good lord.. most of these books cost upwards of $50. We aren't even talking about a huge, all-encompassing biology review guide with multiple sample tests and thousands of tips and tricks (something that Kaplan provided me for my GRE preparation). That huge chunk of change will buy me a 180 page book with ONE test composed of 125 questions. Have the people making these books completely lost their minds? I venture to say that the answer to that is "yes." Scary, isn't it?!

Textbooks can tell a similar story. Most textbooks put you out $200 (with a return of $20 at buyback time) and you use maybe 50% of the entire book throughout your courses. It's ridiculous!

I will likely be able to get a fee waiver when I actually have to take the test, which is fine. It will make up for the ungodly amount of money I have to shell out for a book just to take that damn test.

I don't sound bitter about it at all, do I?

The Bridal Circuit

For those who have not yet had the pleasure of joining/viewing this group, it consists of every type of bride possible - the Bridezilla, the Submissive Bride (and by this, I mean the bend-over-and-let-everyone-else-decide-your-day type of person), the Type A Uber Organized Bride and the Indifferent Bride. Dana, God bless her amazing Maid of Honor soul, drove down from Manassas to attend the first of many bridal shows to come. Together, we stepped into the world of this unusual, yet somehow off-putting, group of individuals.

I like to consider myself as falling in the Type A organized group of brides. After all, I have been extremely Type A my whole life (hello.. Virgo!). Even upon visiting the first potential reception venue, I had a 2 1/2 page list of questions for the coordinator. Organization will be my true best friend over the next 15 months. I am trying my hardest to get things done in as timely a manner as possible. The ungodly amount of choices make this task far from easy. There's an endless amount of entertainment options, cake options, favor options, invitation options, photographer options, videographer options, song options.. You get my point.

That being said, a bride's true colors will inevitably show when faced with any of the above options. I can't even count how many times I could hear the "But they won't take pictures how I want them to" or the endless whines of "That cake is absolutely disgusting. I would never have that at my wedding." It's pretty incredible how bitchy a woman becomes in the event of a wedding. Amazing..

Of course, I now have a greater respect for the mothers of the bride, the maids of honor and the bridesmaids that have to deal with the bullshit that brides can put out. God willing, my type A personality will allow me time to keep the stress (and the Bridezilla) under control.

A pat for myself on the back!

It's not such a bad thing, is it? I mean we all deserve a little praise for our accomplishments from time to time, do we not? Oh yes, we do!

I apologize right away for making this out to be like I did something terribly exciting or praise-worthy. Forgive me, but I tend to get slightly excited when I meet workout-related goals. The "feat"? I ran for 30 minutes straight for the first time since becoming deathly ill a few weeks back. Obviously I'm exaggerating that "deathly" part, but seriously.. it was bad!

Hm.. 10 more miles of running and I'm set for the half marathon in September! Word!

Yet another reason to love my friends..

On the subject of what makes a pizza a pizza:

Pat: "But when pizza's on a bagel, you can have pizza anytime."
Eddie: "Fuck a bagel."

Book Log - 2008

There aren't many upsides to being sick with the flu. I'm missing the Massa's famous Super Bowl party today. I can't work out at the gym. I didn't get to see Omah this morning (She STILL hasn't seen my ring). On the other hand, I can make great use of my typing skills and the fact that I'm stuck in bed for an extended period of time. So, I'm taking this unfortunate opportunity to start a log of the books that I will be reading throughout the year - those required as part of my curriculum and those read solely for personal pleasure (or based on the encouragement of friends). Here goes...

1. Plague Maker by Tim Downs
- I'm a bit of a whore for science-related suspense novels, so when I came across this book in the bargain bin at ODU's bookstore, I had to snatch it up. I started reading this novel during a work shift at the Ted and immediately had a hard time putting it down. It plays on our recently instilled fears of terrorism and underhanded biological warfare. While the interplay between characters often comes across as shallow and silly, the overarching plot of the novel and the number of twists and turns are substantial enough to draw the reader's attention away from those relationships. I, for one, will never look at a flea in the same way. A lover of science would be a lover of this book.

2. The Joy of Laziness: Why Life is Better Slower and How to Get There by Peter Axt
- Recommended to me by my friend, Daniel, I instantly found the title laughable. You see, I am not a slow person. There aren't many things that I hate more than being lazy and feeling unproductive. My schedule has never been empty. I have never held fewer than 3 part-time jobs at a time. I rarely find joy in doing nothing (with the exception of a good vacation here and there, but I still love filling vacation time with things to occupy my time). Two chapters into this book, I found myself still laughing. Not only does the author attempt to discredit recent studies done to show that exercise benefits heart and lung health; they also attempt to validate decades old studies showing that inactivity does more for heart health than a good cardiovascular workout. Overall, this book aims to encourage individuals to create "energy stores" by sleeping longer and avoiding physical over-exertion as much as possible. My question is then posed: What happens to those energy stores once you die? Do you honestly think you can carry them into the afterlife? I much prefer using my energy to live life to the fullest rather than sit on my ass and waste my time away. I love sleeping as much as the next Joe Schmoe, but I'd rather get my butt out of bed and experience what the world has to offer.

3. The Fifth Vial by Michael Palmer
- This is the 2nd book of the year to play to my science-based thriller interest. Steve's mom read this at the end of last year and gave me a copy as a Christmas gift. It proved to be another book that I had a hard time setting down. The Fifth Vial documents several individuals and the twisting events surrounding them, all which seem completely unrelated until the last few chapters. This book plays on the urban legend of the stealing of organs, making it both believable and terribly frightening. For the most part, I really loved this book. As any good fiction writer should be able to do, Palmer gives several characters a dual identity and has you trusting in the good before reverting to the bad. It's almost eerie how well he is able to accomplish this. The downside? That famous saying "Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong" is seen in protagonist Natalie Reyes. After a while (getting the boot from med school, getting shot, having a lung removed, exposing her one healthy lung to a fire, losing a confidant to murder... the list goes on), the negative events become monotonous and boring. The action is enough to keep the reader entertained and the book will certainly leave you thinking about the ethics of stealing organs.

4. July, July by Tim O'Brien
- O'Brien is, without a doubt, one of my favorite authors. I had the privilege of hearing him speak and meeting him during my freshman year at ODU. After hearing him read an excerpt from The Things They Carried, I immediately bought a copy and read it within 24 hours of his lecture. July, July was read in about the same manner. You could never accuse O'Brien of being a happy-go-lucky writer. After all, being a veteran of the Vietnam War himself, one would (hopefully) not expect O'Brien to produce books about rainbows and butterflies. I hate war movies - ask anyone - so being intrigued with books regarding the Vietnam War is out of character for me. O'Brien makes it easy to delve into the lives of the veterans he introduces and attempt to understand their post-war thoughts, behaviors and feelings. July, July follows several Darton College alumni as they meet for their 31st reunion and as they reminisce on life's occurrences 31 years in the past. Though only 1 character is actually a vet, the war has clearly influenced each character on a different level. As a 20-something, I had a hard time placing myself in the shoes of the reunion attendees, yet still had an easy time feeling pity, guilt, remorse etc. for each individual character and their circumstances. The book is touching, even though I have no clue how the Vietnam War and 1969 could affect a person. Perhaps I'll read this one again when I'm in my 50s.

I'm currently reading Savage Inequalities by Jonathon Kozol so I'll update once that is finished.

The proposal

The surprises started on Christmas Day, 2007. A traditional, yet not unwelcome, routine involves breakfast and unwrapping the mountain of gifts with my family. If I see Steve at all, I usually go to his house or wait until the day after Christmas. I was pleasantly surprised this year when he decided to come visit me on Christmas morning.

I handed him a stack of gifts to unwrap from me and my family and he, in turn, handed me a small gift bag. I don’t like to consider myself a selfish person, but I have to admit I was a bit disenchanted with the difference in our number of gifts. He encouraged me to open mine while he worked on unwrapping his. I obliged. Funny enough, when I opened my bag, it revealed a collection of scrabble pieces. That boy knows how I love my puzzles! I immediately got to work trying to unscramble B H T E M A A S H A (Probably not the precise order, but you get the point). It didn’t take as long as he had anticipated to pull out “T-H-E” and deduce “B-A-H-A-M-A-S” from the remaining blocks. I think amid my shrieks of joy and constant “Seriously?”s, I asked when we were going. Boy was I wrong in thinking this was a spring break trip. “We leave January 25^th,” he remarked. Unfortunately, my common-sense side took over when I realized I would be leaving right in the beginning of the semester. My worries were alleviated by my professors and we were off to the Bahamas (Atlantis resort on Paradise Island, to be exact).

It promised to be a relaxing, easy-going trip with no plans except for a top-secret excursion planned for Saturday, January 26^th. Again, I let my common-sense side get the best of me when I asked “Should I shower or look nice?” He assured me that it wouldn’t be necessary. The morning of the excursion, he promised to clue me in on what we were doing. As it turned out, he had planned for us to do a Dolphin Encounters Swim on an island not far away. My excitement peaked when I remembered how disappointed I was to miss out on the dolphin swim while we were in Bermuda. We took a short ferry boat ride to Blue Lagoon Island. Our swim groups were given a short presentation on the best behavior for interacting with the dolphins, we suited up in wetsuits (yes, the water was cold even in the Bahamas) and climbed down to our docks. In my group was Steve, myself, a father-son duo and 2 individuals whose spouses had decided to watch. After a nice water shower to the face, courtesy of “Jake”, we slipped into the icy water of the Atlantic Ocean.

“Jake” and “Stormy” passed by us a few times so we could rub their backs and bellies. Then we were each given the opportunity to kiss, hug, dance with and feed the dolphins. The only other girl in our group went first. After the tricks, the trainer told her dolphin to “find a gift” in the pool. He came back with a rock. Everyone else took their turns and it was time for Steve & I. We kissed, danced, hugged and fed. When the trainer told “Stormy” to find me a present, I expected a rock as well. Surprisingly, he returned with a plastic container in his mouth. Completely oblivious to a now-congregated group of women employees around our tank, I immediately thought I had scored a free souvenir. When the trainer said “Maybe you should open the box,” I got a little suspicious. I opened the box and inside was a stunning diamond ring. I suppose I can forgive Steve for not getting down on one knee in the tank when he asked me to marry him. Of course, I said “yes”. Normally, I would have been a blubbering idiot, but it was difficult with 4 other people taking in a once-in-a-lifetime experience. I saved the blubbering for later.

The ring:

That night, Patty (Steve’s wonderful sister who lives in Colorado) had reserved a table for us at Fathom’s – a gorgeous restaurant at Atlantis with a wall completely composed of a fish/shark/ray tank. We sat right next to the tank, basking in post-engagement glow.

The remainder of the trip brought rain and cool temperatures with brief moments of sunshine, but it didn’t matter. I was on cloud nine. In fact, a hurricane could have ripped through and I wouldn’t have cared. We did manage to get some sun on our last full day when we finally got to lay by the pool and take in some of Atlantis’ fabulous water rides. Of course, the best part of our trip is documented in pictures and full-length DVD, for which I am very grateful. Not to sound high-and-mighty, but it was one of the criteria for our engagement. I had to have pictures and he came through!

The ring has since been downsized since he asked my Dad and purchased it about 2 months ago. I suppose that’s another upside to losing weight – smaller fingers! So far one of the best moments has involved Dana’s excitement. Dana, as my dearest girlfriend, will be my Maid of Honor (unless she walks down the aisle first which will make her my Matron of Honor. Hey, you never know. Henry could move quickly!). She already has ideas bubbling in regards to bridal showers, bachelorette parties and spa days. I have to remind her that we don’t have a date set in stone yet, but it will probably fall around May/June 2009.

Here’s to more than a year of stress, craziness and absolute joy. I can’t wait to become Mrs. Steven Mulholland.

Some SERIOUS excitement

In less than 48 hours, I will be sitting in the Bahamas.

I successfully ran almost 3 miles last night without stopping. This is a feat I haven't accomplished since high school.

I'm getting a nice chunk of change back as my tax refund (and I'm not even done filing yet!). It will buy me a few months rent with Steve or a nice cruise.

I have a brand new bookcase to hold the massive amount of books I have now accumulated by working at Barnes & Noble.

I LOVE my classes so far this semester.

That is all! It's enough!

A wonderful weekend!

My Patriots won. Sadly, the Packers lost. I'm hopeful for next season. After all, they are the youngest team in the NFL. I did enjoy watching the game with the Mulholland's this year. No matter what, they will always be my second family! Mrs. M even called me a family member tonight, while Mr. M had his slippered feet in my face. It was a great moment. I wonder...

I got the toy that I wanted (see previous post). I just have to wait for it to find it's way to me through the mail. Inevitably, it won't come until after I return from the Bahamas, but at least it gives me something to play with when I get home. It isn't necessarily something to look forward to about coming home, but it's a good thing nevertheless. They retail for $299 in stores. I got mine on ebay for just over $100. I love ebay! It now has my heart.

Now if it could just provide me with a cheap Tom Brady jersey...

My "Want" List

It starts with this: The iPod Touch - a magnificent feat of technology.

Oh yes, I will have one!

I think it's about that time.

I need out of this house. I need out of this house like yesterday. I can't even deal with my father anymore. He gripes at me about not loading a dishwasher correctly, but will he ever put his own shit in there? Mm.. nope!

Since retirement, he sits on his ass (which frequently rotates between couch and computer desk). He frequently instigates conversations with me about random crap while I'm studying, reading or completely uninvolved.

I'm not bitching for myself. I fear for my dad. He eats crap. His sole excuse for not working out with me is that his arm hurts. Last time I checked, it didn't cause any stress on an arm to walk on a treadmill, ride a bike or use an elliptical trainer. If I make a comment about the shit that he eats, he gets upset. How hard is it for a grown man to understand that he's killing himself? I'm sick of caring. I should just let him act as he will and clog his own arteries.

In this regard, I had my first Philosophy of Education class last night. Dr. Myers made a fascinating point regarding intellectual scholars and "Joe Six-Pack" or someone possessing conventional wisdom. Those individuals in the conventional wisdom bracket often feel they are correct on many accounts, yet they often are not. My dad, who doesn't have an education past high school, falls into this bracket. However for me, his daughter, to point out that he is wrong would be a travesty.

Ok, I'm done venting. I just need out of this house - now!

If only I could be given the chance.

I'd go back to high school, choose to go to public school, audition for Governor's School, dance like a rockstar, improve my technique, and make a living doing what I love.

Life might have been so much different. Life might not seem so.. well, ordinary.

Maybe I was born to fire a gun!

Believe it or not, I went to a shooting range today. I'm finicky, jumpy and easily spooked, so why in the world would I want to do such things? Well, that's a bit longer of a story.

In any case, I had never held a gun in my hand, let alone pulled the trigger. And I think I did a pretty damn good job, all things considered. I did better with the target at half range (all of my shots landed between the 7 ring and the bullseye). Full range was a bit harder but I still hit the target with all 20 rounds. Go me!

Left: My full range target

To date:

I have dropped 24 lbs. (since early 2007). Overall, it doesn't suck so much. How could this possibly have a downside? Well, I don't exactly have a lot of extra funds to purchase new clothes. Even my workout clothes are falling off!

What's a girl to do?

I am now taking donations to the "Heidi-needs-new-clothes" fund. I would be forever in such a generous person's debt.

Again, how excited should I be?

I'm going to Golden Compass and Max & Erma's this afternoon. I am indeed excited for that! It's about damn time I had a date with Steve! Seriously, it's still the holidays and we can't even get our schedules to match up now. That doesn't leave me happy with anticipation about the upcoming semester when he has class 3 nights a week and works all day. Oy..

Despite my excitement regarding this afternoon's festivities, I have also committed to the Rob Zombie concert tonight. I think my lack of enthusiasm should now be obvious. I'm a bit nervous of the crowd that Rob Zombie may draw. Oy..

A vow.

Never again will I work in the textbook department of Barnes & Noble at MacArthur unless instructed to do so.

Today was hell. I think more people needed to resolve to have more patience this year. After all, I have only 2 hands, 1 brain, and no method of making books appear from thin air.

Hello, 2008!

It's hard for me to believe that 2007 has already passed. It's so common to hear that the older you get, the faster time flies. I'm starting to believe that this is true. I blinked, and the year was gone.

I had great resolutions for 2007 - lose weight, manage my life, learn a new language. Thankfully, I succeeded on 2 of these accounts. I lost a bit of weight (and it's still dropping with a healthy lifestyle - much to the delight of Steve) and I have become a bit better at managing my schedule (With thanks to my parents for an excellent birthday present that keeps my life in order. If I lose it, Im screwed!). I started to learn Italian and managed to struggle through a few lessons, but life just gets too busy to keep up with tasks that aren't a requirement.

I've actually been able to complete some non-required reading over the holiday. I started reading Plague Maker by Tim Downs. So far, so good. Mrs. Mulholland gave me a book to read as well. And Mr. M has insisted that I read Guns, Germs & Steel which sounds right up my biology-loving alley.

But I digress.. I haven't thought much about resolutions for 2008, but I want to continue to live a healthy lifestyle. I've done a bit more running recently. Yesterday, I actually ran 2 miles without stopping - a big accomplishment for someone that doesn't do well at running long distances. I'd like to complete the Rock n' Roll Half Marathon in September.. we'll see how that goes. I think my biggest resolution will be to strive as best as possible to maintain the relationships that I have now and do whatever I can to help them grow. Recently, I've found out that it takes commitment, dedication and A LOT of patience for relationships to flourish. I really think I've had a hard time accepting people as humans with weaknesses and flaws. I have so many and I harp on them so often that I forget that it's likely unavoidable. We all make mistakes. It's how we deal with the mistakes that either works in favor or in opposition of a strong bond. I want to know how to make the right decisions to maintain the stability in my relationships. I frequently jump to conclusions and rarely give others the benefit of the doubt. I'd like to work on this.

Enough of that..

My New Year's Eve was one of the most enjoyable in a long time. Steve & I had dinner at CPK and saw I Am Legend - an amazingly poignant movie. Will Smith is so amazingly talented. It's so easy to feel lonely for him and forget that he's getting paid millions for his good acting! I highly recommend this movie to absolutely anyone - even if you don't like suspense movies! Another reason I love the holidays so much is because it brings people home. Thomas is in town for the first time in eons and John & Nicole came down for a visit. We toasted the new year with champagne and It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia at Brandon's new place (of which I'm completely jealous!) It's so nice to catch up and be reminded why my friends are just that - they are insane and make me laugh so unbelievably hard. It's been a while since we spent any holiday together. Check out one of our visit's from 2003. I think Thomas' personality has never wavered. He's hysterical and clearly loves to assault Steve. In fact, I think he tried to again last night. Yep, he's exactly the same!








From Left: Eric, Thomas, me, Dustin & Steve

Oh memories. Here's to a year of making a few more!