Wall

I always find that learning more about oneself and about those around us is an allowance to open up to those other individuals. At least, that's been the case in my experience. But it is a difficult step to get there, is it not? As humans, when life hits us hard or, as my dance instructor says, "the Devil crosses his legs", we are forced to construct walls that protect others from getting in. Often times, we do this without so much as a second thought. It's merely a method of protection.

I've done it often and completely unintentionally. It eventually comes at the expense of others that the wall is thickened and molded and much more challenging to break down.

I'm fortunate to have stumbled across a new friend in one of my graduate classes at ODU. He's brilliant. He forces me to think. He makes me laugh hysterically. I spoke with Pam tonight, as well. She said it's always a blessing when God gives us companions that we can find common ground with while enjoying each other's company. He clearly finds something in me. He's more open and honest with me than most people are with someone they barely know. He's trustworthy, engaging and completely charming. Easy to talk to. After all he's shared with me about his life, I find it only fair to reciprocate his trust in me.

So, of course, at the one time that I actually want to engage in meaningful conversation with someone and open up to them, I find that I can't. About anything. In the past, it's always eventually been drug out of me. That, or the only people I have been in contact with are those who already know certain unappealing circumstances or habits. Therefore, I was never in a situation where I wanted to divulge key details.

It's a quandary. At what point do we stop caring less about what judgements will be formed of us and start caring more about allowing ourselves to experience open, honest relationships? To what extent must another individual prove they are trustworthy?

I suppose only time will tell.